


Jack Harkness Hates the Pegasus Galaxy

by brilligspoons



Category: Stargate Atlantis, Torchwood
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-11
Updated: 2011-03-11
Packaged: 2017-10-17 17:40:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/179434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brilligspoons/pseuds/brilligspoons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the Torchwood Unpaired challenge.  Jack Harkness is in danger of losing his team, but not for the reasons you might think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jack Harkness Hates the Pegasus Galaxy

"So," Sheppard says, "when are you supposed to leave again?"

"Yesterday," Jack replies. "We were supposed to leave yesterday."

"Ah. Gotcha." Sheppard passes him a shot of something violet-colored. Jack eyes it warily. "Don't worry, no one's died from it yet."

"Kind of a moot point anyway," Jack says.

***

Jack, as it turns out, is the only one who doesn't want to go to the Pegasus galaxy. In fact, they only find out that the queen has ordered them there when Gwen starts sorting through all the paperwork on Jack's desk in order to prove that _yes_ , he approved her request for a week off in April.

"I _did not_ ," Jack says. "I don't even know what the vacation request form looks like."

"You don't know what _any_ of the forms look like," says Gwen as she tosses a stack of vaguely pornographic doodles into the trash bin, "and I stood there as Ianto handed you the form for signing, you horrible liar. It's your own fault for not paying any mind to where your signature goes."

"I have more important things to worry about."

"Oh?" Owen holds up a slip with the royal seal on it before reading it over. "Such as this request _from the bloody queen_?"

"Uh. No. I was purposefully ignoring that one."

Jack folds like a bad poker hand at the sudden collective disapproval and explains everything.

Ianto somehow forces him onto the plane at Heathrow, drags him through the terminals at Newark International to get to their connecting flight, and makes him sit up straight on the drive from the airport in Colorado Springs to the mountain base. Tosh makes them stop for coffee on the way and buys him the biggest chocolate muffin she can find as thanks (she's had an enormous academic crush on Colonel Carter for _years_ and still can't quite believe that Carter will be the one showing them around before they depart for Atlantis, _shut it, Owen, no one asked you_ ).

They spend a day signing every kind of government form imaginable while being briefed on the history of the Stargate Program, and Jack manages to find it in himself to flirt shamelessly with Dr. Jackson before being shoved into the event horizon by Owen and Gwen.

***

Which brings us back to Jack doing shots of (questionable) vodka in John Sheppard's office.

"If it makes you feel any better, I can't have my team back until yours leaves," Sheppard says after shot number six. "I think Teyla wants to replace me with Gwen. And, really, the chances of me ever getting Rodney's heart back into it are slim. I've seen him lie in wait for the first batch of coffee in the morning, but _this_ -"

"Tosh and Gwen bribed Ianto into reserving the first pot for them every morning," Jack says. "I still don't know what they promised him, and he refuses to budge no matter how many times I tell him I can outbid whatever it was."

"Bummer."

"Totally."

***

Jack finds Sheppard in the mess the next morning. He's got aviators on, despite the fact that it's fairly cloudy and grey outside, and a Sudoku puzzle half-finished in front of him.

"Did Ronon and Teyla kidnap Gwen?" Jack asks. "She's not in her room, and Tosh and Ianto haven't seen her since last night. I - I kind of need her back. Also she's married, and I don't fancy the black eye I'll get after explaining the appeal of alien warrior threesomes to Rhys when I don't bring her home."

Sheppard gives him a shrug in response. "I wouldn't worry about it," he says. "Lorne's name mysteriously appeared on the flight roster this morning - he'll make sure she doesn't get adopted into a tribe somewhere, or accidentally married. He's gotten better about that sort of thing since the last time."

"Oh, yes, that's perfectly reassuring. And I suppose Owen's gone with them?"

"Nah, he and Beckett are splicing genes. Or something. I wasn't really paying attention."

"Is that legal?"

"Who knows."

***

"No, Tosh, you are _not_ allowed to build a stargate when we get back to Cardiff. Put that lower lip away, it's not working."

"But it won't take up too much room, I promise! It might even help regulate the Rift energy!"

" _No._ "

***

In the end, Jack has to drag his team (literally drag them) and push them through the gate. When they've finally stopped sulking a week later, Jack feels comfortable enough to unpack his bags, though he keeps an ear out for any suspicious noises and/or silences. He uncovers a bottle of vodka (this time an odd shade of green) with a note from Sheppard attached to it, reminding him to find and destroy the gate plans Zelenka had slipped Tosh as they'd left.

"Shit," Jack says.


End file.
